Epiphany

The parental units are aware of my grade.

Early in the day, my mom talked to me about how it happened and all that. I tried explaining to her that my classes aren't that easy. But then again, maybe she's not ready to listen at all.

I let them play their role as parents. I'll simply stay quiet in my corner, and try to read my book as usual. Just so they won't blame me again for low grades. Every word they utter against me is a burden to carry. I want to be free of it. But then again, I can never change it. I can never change my parents, even if I wanted to.

Nevertheless, move on, little one. There's a lot more you can make up for. There's a lot more in which you can do better with.

But part of me begs to differ. Is this really what I tell myself? So I can move forward? My own words are not enough to push me farther.

Mulat, wake me from this nightmare.

Rant Post # 2

How can you laugh at this time? How can you keep that silly grins on your faces when all you do is laugh and have fun? There's the right place and time for that. Now is not it. Stop asking me when you heard it. Or if you didn't hear it, start TRYING to hear it. You can't keep relying on other people to do your shit for you.

I work hard to succeed. You mooch off of others with your silly giggles and your childish ways. Grow up and see the world! It's not all fun and games. When you work, you work. Keep your fun and amusement elsewhere.

And stay away from me.

Temper

This is a rant post.

Y: Ano ba nangyari?
X: Di ako makafocus sa binabasa ko
X: Si Mama panay ang galaw dito kaya di na ako makabasa
X: So ginagawa ko nakikipag-usap na lang ako
X: Eh yung friend ko na may ari ng server na nilalaruan ko
X: Nagrarant sakin, kasi konti lang tao sa server nya
Y: Ganito na lang.
Y: Go invisible.
X: Can I finish venting first?
Y: Hindi naman malaking problema yung problem ng friend mo eh.
Y: Sure.
X: Then papa comes home
X: Walang ginawa kundi mamintas
X: Ano gusto nya gawin ko? Mag-exercise habang nagbabasa?
X: Ngayon lang ako nakakuha ng tahimik
X: Sabay banat kaya raw ako nananaba
X: The fuck do I care about me gaining weight?
X: Paki ba niya? Katawan ko to
X: Problema ko to
X: Wag na sya makialam
Y: I get that too from my folks.
X: Wala naman syang gawin sa bahay
X: Ayaw maghugas ng pinggan
X: Lahat ng pinagagawa ni mama sa kanya sakin pinapasa
X: Tapos pag ayaw ko sasabihin nagchachat lang naman daw ako
X: Fuck this
X: Tapos pag makikita ako umiiyak sasabihin Ano ba problema mo?
X: Putangina
X: Putanginang yan
X: Ayoko na...
Y: Shh..
Y: I'm just here when you need me.
X: I need you.
X: I need to cry.
X: I need to scream.
Y: *hugs*
X: I need to break something.
X: If I don't...
X: I will break.

Sigh of Relief

Who would think realistically enough that they could get an A in the final?

That would be me.

End gloating. But yeah, I passed my final. Wins = 3. Losses 2. Overall, I passed my class (although with a C). It's not bad if you ask me. Med/surg is really difficult. The material has been compressed to 6 weeks, material that is worth 1 year in the Philippines.

But enough ranting. I am free of Med/surg and now confronting Maternity.

All that hard work paid off. I have cried for many nights, worrying about my exam. What if I fail? What kind of humiliation will I have to put up with? For how long will I be hearing from my parents that I am a failure? And if I pass, for how long will I be relieved? What if I stumble again? At night, I'd pray for guidance so I can fulfill His will.

While I am typing this, my stomach growls. This calls for a break.

Breathe Before The Plunge

Five days before the dreaded day. I'm getting my bag ready for tomorrow. Oh dear.

Four days without a computer. It's not so bad, really. I just really have to focus on my studies.

Well good luck with that.

Turmoil of Thoughts

Wins: 2, Losses: 2. I need one more battle to win this war. I'll rally other troops if I have to. But morale has been pretty low. Although honestly, my morale has been boosted by a half-step. I've worked hard and thank God my hard work is being rewarded. Don't worry, I'll work harder for a better reward.

I quote my friend, Joyce.

"This class is breaking a lot of good people."

It has always upset me to see people give up as we climb the ladder of our career. We've only gotten through the first few steps. People have been falling and refusing to push further. Why give up now? There's still another chance. Hands are extended forward to you. Grasp it! Open your eyes to the truth that we can still make it! Don't fall behind. We're a family. A pack. (No, we're not tampons).


Just today, I helped my parents carry their groceries up to the third floor apartment. Half an hour later, I experience a burning low back pain. I put an ice pack on it but it won't go away. I'd take a painkiller but I'm allergic. What luck. Either an allergy or pain.

I'd pick the pain. At least I have an excuse to just lie down and be useless. :P


On a darker note, a friend's father passed away. It makes you think, how would it feel like to lose a parent? One by one, members of our generation is being tested by ill tidings of illness and death. And it makes me think, what would happen to me if I lost a parent (God-forbid)?

I haven't been very thankful for them lately. But today, I woke up late. I had a quiz too. I rushed to dress up and woke my mom up. "Mom, I need a ride. I'm late." She got up, dressed as decently as she could in 10 seconds and jumped to get her license and the car keys. We were out of the house in 5 minutes, complete with a Tupperware™ of dinuguan and rice (don't forget the fork and spoon wrapped in plastic). In 15 minutes, I was in school and taking the quiz.

My parents have done so much for me. I am the youngest of three and I am the last to reap the benefits of their unconditional love. Waking up to a possibility of not having them around stimulates even the remotest sense of fear. I may not seem to like them (referring to my previous posts) but I love them with all my heart. I owe them my life. I do not want to see them go.

Oh. Happy Monthsary to us. :) To life and to love.

New Banner!

Courtesy of my good friend, Smirnoff. :D No not the vodka (I wish though). But hey, I like how he did it. :) Thanks!